Loves 2 Laugh
Guest
Mar 21, 2009
11:20 AM
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Just thought it would be cool to have a section to where people can post some humor... I unfortunately dont have any..lol.. but lets post a joke and have some fun... please lets keep the jokes tasteful!
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poor speller
57 posts
Mar 21, 2009
7:16 PM
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ohh i got one...
what do you call somone elses cheeze....
nacho cheeze!!!
....yah for some reason i can never rember good jokes, only lame ones oh well
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JohnnyBGoode
Guest
Mar 22, 2009
12:35 AM
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I found this pretty humorous!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uPcthZL2RE
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Jay Walker
6 posts
Mar 24, 2009
9:32 AM
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"The person who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on." - Robert Bloch
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blonde jokes hehe
Guest
Mar 24, 2009
11:43 AM
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What's the difference between a blonde and a bottle of cheeze whiz?
Cheeze whiz has personality!
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Smile, life's short
Guest
Mar 24, 2009
2:51 PM
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Dear Abby,
I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them.
I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her. Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my hockey equipment so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from
a night out with 'the girls.'
When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my hockey gear, that I noticed a hairline crack where the blade meets the graphite shaft on my new graphite one piece hockey stick.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?
Mike
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Close to Home
Guest
Mar 25, 2009
8:35 AM
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A little boy goes to his Dad and asks, "What's politics?"
Dad says, "Well, son, let me try to explain it to you this way." I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me "Capitalism." Your Mom is the
administrator of the household, so we'll call her "The Government."
We're here to take care of YOUR needs so we'll call you "The People." The
nanny works hard all day for very little money so, we'll consider her "The
Working Class." And your baby brother . . . we'll call him "The Future."
Now, think about that and see if it makes sense. So, the little boy goes off
to bed, thinking about what his Dad has said. Later that night he hears his
baby brother crying so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has
severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door
locked, he peeks into the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the Nanny. He
gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in
your own words what you think politics is about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class,
the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future
stinks to high heaven.
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Quote
Guest
Mar 25, 2009
1:06 PM
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Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.
E. Joseph Cossman
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1 4 2day
Guest
Mar 26, 2009
12:55 PM
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During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept he conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.
After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it is vanishing cream!”
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Charles Manson
43 posts
Apr 07, 2009
12:57 PM
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Top 10 Bushisms
10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000
8) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
7) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
6) "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
5) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004
4) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
3) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
And probably the most famous:
1) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
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Tom Roy
Guest
Apr 08, 2009
9:05 AM
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Contrary to what a lot of people, cops do have a sense of humour, al beit slightly different than mainstream humour depending on the circumstances. We can post a little "cop humour" if anyone is interested. Be assured it is perfectly suitable for family viewing and consumption.
Thanks
Tom Roy
KJ: Go for it Tom!
Last Edited on 8-Apr-2009 12:05 PM
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Charles Manson
45 posts
Apr 08, 2009
10:15 AM
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The Helpful Wife
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
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Charles Manson
46 posts
Apr 08, 2009
10:19 AM
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This one is a personal favorite :)
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
LOL!
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Hot Pursuit
Guest
Apr 08, 2009
11:34 AM
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2 girlfriends were speeding down the Alaska Hwy at well over 100 miles per hour
"Hey" asked the brunette at the wheel "see any cops following us"
The blond turned around for a long look "as a matter of fact I do"
"oh, nooo" yelled the brunette. "are his flashers on"
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...mope...yup...nope...yup..."
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Sarah Bo Bara
31 posts
Apr 08, 2009
11:53 AM
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Loved that joke Charles Manson. It's hard to find good jokes that are tasteful and appropriate for all ages, and you guys are doing a great job of finding them.
KJ: Sarah Bo Bara...Fee Fi Fo Fanna...
Last Edited on 9-Apr-2009 8:37 AM
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Charles Manson
60 posts
Apr 09, 2009
12:41 PM
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A man was recently flying to New York. During the flight, he decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate.
"I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?", the man asked.
"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."
"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow"
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jokey jokerson
Guest
Apr 16, 2009
6:47 AM
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How many Northern lights college students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but they get 3 credits for it!
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Charles Manson
81 posts
May 14, 2009
10:48 AM
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Top 10 excuses if you get caught sleeping at your desk
1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
2. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.
3. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.
4. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
5. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
6. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
7. Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP). I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
8. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.
9. Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
10. The coffee machine is broken.
LOL! I like #9.
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icetitanV1.2
37 posts
May 19, 2009
4:31 PM
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. A man was to be sentenced, and the judge told him, "You may make a statement. If it is true, I'll sentence you to four years in prison. If it is false, I'll sentence you to six years in prison." After the man made his statement, the judge decided to let him go free. What did the man say?
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icetitanV1.2
38 posts
May 19, 2009
4:32 PM
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You will sentence me to 6 years in prison. Ba-Zing
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icetitanV1.2
98 posts
Jun 02, 2009
4:24 PM
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This just in: The energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery. Ba-Zing!!
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icetitanV1.2
99 posts
Jun 02, 2009
4:25 PM
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For the musicians in the house. How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? 3, 1 to do it and 2 more to tell him how he could have done it better.
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icetitanV1.2
100 posts
Jun 02, 2009
4:25 PM
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What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend? Homeless.
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icetitanV1.2
101 posts
Jun 02, 2009
4:26 PM
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How many singers to change the same light bulb? Just 1 to hold it and the whole world will revolve around him.
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icetitanV1.2
102 posts
Jun 02, 2009
5:30 PM
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# You bring a portable TV on a camping trip so that you don't miss Hockey Night.
# You can repeat the entire Molson's Canadian 'The Rant'.
# You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
# You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
# You hum David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme in the shower.
# You know that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) don't always look like that.
# You make up patriotic lyrics to go along with David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme.
# You cried when Gus "drowned" on Road To Avonlea.
# You remember when Alanis Morrissette was "Too Hot To Hold".
# You think there isn't enough of Peter Gzowski to go around.
# You think it's normal to have a grain elevator in your backyard.
# You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.
# You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "what's good enough protection for the Prime Minister, is good enough for me!"
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icetitanV1.2
103 posts
Jun 02, 2009
5:31 PM
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These are the 'you know your Canadian when' in case the heats melted brain pans
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icetitanV1.2
106 posts
Jun 03, 2009
8:48 AM
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A mother and her very young son were flying Westjet
Airlines from Ottawa to Calgary. The little boy who had been
quietly looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If
big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't
big airplanes have baby airplanes?" The mother who couldn't think
of an answer, told her son to go ask the flight attendant. So the
boy walked down the aisle and asked the flight attendant who was
busy serving drinks. She smiled and asked, "Did your Mom tell you
to ask me?" The boy answered, "Yes, she did." "Well, then, you go
and tell your Mom that there are no baby airplanes because
Westjet always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to
you."
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icetitanV1.2
107 posts
Jun 04, 2009
10:35 AM
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One time in highschool we had the cop with the DARE program talking to us about drugs. He passed around three joints and said "If these all dont turn up in 20 mins we will lock the school down and everyone will be searched". So at the end of the 20 minutes he gets 4 joints handed back. Awesome.
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59'er
29 posts
Jun 07, 2009
7:15 AM
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How many bugs does it take to 'screw' in a light bulb?
-2--just can't figure how they got in there-
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icetitanV1.2
120 posts
Jun 08, 2009
12:05 PM
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Hey Ken play "Juke Box Hero' by Foreigner. That song is badass. Not sure why I put it here though?
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icetitanV1.2
121 posts
Jun 08, 2009
12:16 PM
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Haa and I get "rickrolled" on the very next song. That is funny. If you dont know what a rickroll is its when your on a forum and someone posts a video link to something but instead of what its supposed to be its "never gonna give you up" music vid by rick astley. Called a rickroll its some of the finest humour teh web has to offer.
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icetitanV1.2
122 posts
Jun 08, 2009
12:17 PM
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Dude. the radio guy just said what I typed. Im buying a lottery ticket.
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icetitanV1.2
125 posts
Jun 08, 2009
1:33 PM
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So whats the status on getting my Foreigner tune happenin?
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Mr.Christian
6 posts
Jun 08, 2009
3:21 PM
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When we were looking to buy property I had this overzealous realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn-out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing.
The smiling super salesman said, “Now really, all this land needs is a little
water, a nice cool breeze and some good people.”
I replied, “Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be said of Hell?”
AH HA HA!! That one leaves me in stitches!!! God bless.
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icetitanV1.2
135 posts
Jun 08, 2009
3:51 PM
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Dudes Im starting to think this guy is a christian for real and not just some wingnut from my fanclub. And I honestly dont know whats scarier?
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Charles Manson
88 posts
Jun 10, 2009
10:00 AM
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It's time for today's Bushism!
"When a drug comes in from Canada, I wanna make sure it cures ya, not kill ya... I've got an obligation to make sure our government does everything we can to protect you. And one -- my worry is that it looks like it's from Canada, and it might be from a third world."
George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
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SeanahR
Moderator
116 posts
Jun 10, 2009
10:11 AM
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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They rearranged the furniture.
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"Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen." - Bob Marley
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icetitanV1.2
168 posts
Jun 10, 2009
10:35 AM
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(Thump thump this thing on?) Hey you know why all the trees in Fort Nelson lean slightly to the east?? Cuz Alberat sucks that hard!
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Charles Manson
159 posts
Aug 10, 2010
3:26 PM
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
KJ: Any relation here to home life?
Last Edited on 10-Aug-2010 7:56 PM
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ourtown
23 posts
Aug 10, 2010
5:41 PM
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A male and female, new residents of Grace Manor, met each other on a Friday evening on the deck. He had a beer, she had a wine.
She posed a question regarding sex; Do you still practise sex?
He answered "infrequently".
She replied, "Is that one word or two?"
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K Johnson
Moderator
1828 posts
Aug 10, 2010
7:55 PM
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Charles! You dug this one up from last year! Wow...
Okay listen...I had some fresh pickeral the other day courtesy of Gary Sittler. Gary is Daryl's brother of NHL fame.
So I looks at em...and I says...did you hear about the two fish swimming along early in the morning when they hit a wall?
The one fish looked at the other and said..."Damn!"
HA!
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Donna_A
581 posts
Aug 10, 2010
8:23 PM
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I used to work with Gary, I loved it, he would bring fresh fish to work and cook it for lunch, and smoked chicken, and Calamari............dam now I am hungry. Thanks Ken!
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“Secrets are made to be found out with time.”
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K Johnson
Moderator
1829 posts
Aug 10, 2010
8:28 PM
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Donna?
Where's the joke?
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Donna_A
582 posts
Aug 10, 2010
8:34 PM
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Yes?
LOL, No joke, I am just hungry now, that is not a laughing matter.
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“Secrets are made to be found out with time.”
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K Johnson
Moderator
1830 posts
Aug 10, 2010
8:37 PM
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I will feed you. As I speak (type), I'm simmering some shrimp in a garlic/butter sauce and have made a ceasar salad from scratch..I'm warming buns in the oven that are basked in butter and garlic and if you can get here in 5 minutes...it's all yours.
All I want in return is...well, you know!
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Donna_A
583 posts
Aug 10, 2010
8:47 PM
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LMAO!!! You know, that's how rumors get started.
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“Secrets are made to be found out with time.”
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K Johnson
Moderator
1833 posts
Aug 10, 2010
9:02 PM
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Welcome back D!
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Donna_A
584 posts
Aug 10, 2010
9:06 PM
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Thanks, I think next year i need a 3 week vacation, 2 for traveling and one just to rest from the traveling. I am exhausted. Going to FSJ for a coarse tomorrow.
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“Secrets are made to be found out with time.”
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K Johnson
Moderator
1834 posts
Aug 10, 2010
9:08 PM
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You mean a "course" yes?
Keep us in the loop.
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Donna_A
585 posts
Aug 10, 2010
9:10 PM
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LOL, ya, that's what I mean. Gotta go learn what Enforms changes are for getting COR certification.
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“Secrets are made to be found out with time.”
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